Illustration by Lesley WimbushM
A very F1 Christmas wish list….
A very F1 Christmas wish list….

By Russ Bond
Well, it’s that time of year again, and I thought it would be fitting with all of us out trouncing around looking for pressies to make a Christmas present list for some of the more notable Formula 1 crowd…whether they have been good or not.
If I ruled the world, this is what would be under their trees come Christmas morning. I’ll start with two-time World Champion Sebastian Vettel. That is an easy one, he has the world at his feet, but under his tree from me he would find a ‘stylist’. That lad has the worst hair in racing, he needs some swagger to go with his two world championships.
For his teammate, Mark Webber, another simple one to buy for, but a present that is not easy to find – he’d get some speed. Not the Meth kind, but some honest to goodness pace. The first measure of any F1 driver is against his teammate, and Webber clearly needs some pace – one box should do.

Mikey doesn't like his pressy I guess....

Alonso looking how Alonso always looks....unimpressed....

For F1 Supremo Bernie Ecclestone, how about something, anything other than a white shirt? Black would be more fitting, plus it would make him look taller.
Moving down the grid, Michael Schumacher would get a book written by Sir Jackie Stewart called, “How I knew when it was time to retire.” Actually, I’d get two copies and give one to Rubens Barrichello also.
I think I’d get Ferrari’s Felipe Massa a nice big boat. That way he could spend some time on it and give up his ride to someone who could actually stand some sort of a chance at upstaging Fernando Alonso.
And speaking of Alonso, I’d send him a 280lb Spanish Dominatrix for a night. The thought of someone beating the living crap out of him just makes me all giddy inside (not a great present, I’ll admit, but the joy is in the giving on this one).
It’s not all bad, there are some in Formula 1 deserving of great gifts for a job well done. Jenson Button is would get a nice two week vacation somewhere warm. The Brit has done a brilliant job this year converting Hamilton’s team into a Button team and a well-earned vacation would be his. I was going to give him a contract extension, but he already got that.

To Mercedes, I would have to give them a ‘go-just-a-little-faster’ voucher good for the 2012 season. Ross Brawn and the lads are so close to fielding winning cars for Rosberg and Schumacher that it’s not even funny. Just a little more speed and they would be there.
And last, but by no means least, there are a couple of other racing notables that I would like to give a few gifts to. First, to current Rotax Max DD2 World Champion Daniel Morad, he’d get a competitive ride in GP2 that wouldn’t feature all the politics he had to endure in 2011.
To Canadian Robert Wickens (another simple one), he would get a chance in a competitive car – like a Renault, or whatever it is called next year. Wickens has proven his worth, now all he needs is a decent shot to show that he can deliver at the highest level of the sport.
Bruno Spengler would get a win for his new group, BMW in DTM, while up and coming Canadian standout Jesse Lazare would get a win in FF1600 at Montreal next year, making him the new favourite son of Quebec. Actually, better find something else for Lazare, he can probably get the win on his own.

Wickens should get a good ride for 2012

You may not know Jesse Lazare yet, but you will....

Well, there you have it, pressies for all, except of course for one last one.
To all the readers of Inside Track Motorsport News, you all get free subscriptions for 2012….just call David Weber at the office and tell them Russ, er sorry, James Neilson told you it was okay….(Dave likes it when his phone rings off the hook).
Merry Christmas everyone, egg-nog for all.